"Bring the wine, eternal life is mine!"

11-10-19

Grace to you and peace from God our Creator and from our Lord and savior Jesus the Christ by the power of the holy Spirit, amen.

When I was in seminary, I did my “field education” at a church that was made up of about half social justice-passionate white retirees, and half first- and second-generation immigrants from Ethiopia and Eritrea. One year we went on a women’s retreat, where I learned that after marriage, women in these two countries traditionally retained their last names, and secretly laughed at the still-popular tradition or assumption of American women to take their new husband’s last name. These Ethiopian and Eritrean women thought the irony particularly funny. 

It’s funny, because there are also plenty of grown-up shirts out there targeted to brides that say things like “pop the champagne, I’m taking his last name” or “bring the wine, his last name is mine!” Which is cute and funny, until these brides find themselves standing in the slow line at the DMV with their 6 points of legal identification in order to “make his last name theirs” on their driver’s license. Bring the wine, indeed.

We are about to embark on a deep dive into some marriage practices that are going to seem very surprising to us… and then we are going to explore how this is actually a red herring. Buckle up, we’re about to get nerdy.

Luke chapter 20 begins with some of Jesus’ opponents questioning his authority, like a big game of “Stump the Savior.” Enter the Sadducees – who are not “sad you see” because they don’t believe in the resurrection, but perhaps because they’re branch of Judaism was not the one that survived to this day. The Sadducees were a group within the Jewish faith that were well-educated and well-connected to those in political power – meaning the Romans.

They also knew their Torah, but rejected the idea of the resurrection - and to play “stump the savior” by asking a question that has no “right” answer. It’s like imagining that in heaven there was a game show going on called, “will the real husband please stand up?” where this woman gets to pick which one of her seven husbands will be her husband in the resurrection. "First up is Greg! Oh, no, Greg - we have video footage of you putting an empty milk carton back in the fridge and never once doing the dishes. Husband number 1, you're not it!” BZZZZZZT!

It was a silly scene that came from a real practice, though… in fact, one of Jesus’ own ancestors was someone caught in this type of situation, known in history as “levirate marriage.” Her name was Tamar (Gen. 38), daughter in law of Judah, one of the twelve sons of Jacob. You may not have heard of her, since this story gets left out of pretty much every Sunday School curriculum. When Judah’s son – Tamar’s husband – dies without Tamar having a son, Tamar’s brother in law was legally obligated to marry her, and their first born would be considered her first husband’s son and heir. But… that’s not exactly what happens……when the second son dies, Judah is reluctant to wed her to his last son… so she literally has no status and no place. Instead, she tricks Judah into making her pregnant, does have a son, and secures her future…. Thanks to her father-in-law. Yes, not everything in the Bible is rated PG.  

Tamar put up with this – and used it to her advantage - because she had nowhere else to go. Levirate marriage – one of MANY versions of “biblical” marriage, was a deeply flaw solution to an incredibly unjust system, where childless widows literally had no place – they had no place with their in-laws, and yet, she could not go back to her family of origin and be “marriageable” again. This was the only way that women like Tamar had a shot at eternal life – in a world where having sons was the only way to leave a legacy behind, to have your name live on forever.

Fast forward to her great something Grandson Jesus, who was clearly following his trickster Grandma Tamar’s footsteps. In Advent we will be changing from the year of Luke to the Year of Matthew, where Matthew records’ Jesus’s lineage… including Tamar as one of 5 amazing women of faith listed (Matthew 1). Like Grandma Tamar, Jesus flips expectations upside down.

Jesus knew that this wasn’t really about marriage… or Moses…. Or even what happens to us after we die. Levirate marriage wasn’t even being practiced at this time. So Jesus does what he does best… turns the tables and uses their best and most clever arguments against them.

At her death of this theoretical woman, Jesus assured the Sadducees that she would be no man’s property. She isn’t going to spend all of eternity as a the wife of brother A, B, C, D, E, F, or G… she’s going to spend it as a beloved child of God, first and foremost. That is the identity that will define her – and all of us – in the age to come. Not by who’s last name she has, or whether or not she has a son. … the wrong question is “whose wife will she be?” and the right question is, “Whose child is she? And who loves her?”

So, for Jesus – and for us – “Whose wife will she be?” is 100% the wrong question. Jesus clearly separates marital status from resurrection status. Marriage is a human institution, created and sanctioned by God, but not made permanent in eternal perpetuity once you “put a ring on it.” At death “marital status” will never determine our eternal status.

As God was creating the beautiful and complex world that we live in, God did not just create one human being to be in charge, all alone. God created another person, and they in turn created other people, and that means we are created be in relationships with one another – spouses, parents, sons and daughters, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and our adopted family in the form of friendships too. We can’t help ourselves. It’s in our DNA.

We believe in a God who sent his son into our world to experience what we experience - not just the good and happy parts of life, but also suffering and pain, anxiety and grief. But over and over again, Jesus promises his followers that he will be with them, and he is also promising to be with us, as God’s beloved children, here and now. We are people of the resurrection, children of God, who put our hope in a God of the living, a God who IS alive… who has a relationship with us… and created us to be in relationship with one another, in many forms.

God delights in our relationships, and brings us together, and then promises to be present with us in those relationships in all their complexities, in all the ups and downs, on the good days and on the bad days…. Even in suffering, and even death. Because nothing can take away our “child of God” status - not our last name, not the suffering we have endured, not the mistakes we’ve made.

As one wise pastor wrote: “We are meant to be whole and complete in our relationships, all of our relationships, whether they are relationships between neighbors, friends, family members or spouses. We are meant to be able to treat others as they should be, and we are meant to be treated in the same way.” I think that is why we hear the “1 Corinthians love passage” at so many weddings: we strive for the eternal ideal of love in our pre-resurrection life as we will be able to achieve in our post-resurrection.

Living this type of stubborn, persistent love here on earth is a challenge ….But, of course, God will outstrip us all in the stubborn love department now, and in the life to come. Because our God is good, and God’s steadfast, stubborn, unrelenting love will stretch on forever. This love will never cease, not even in parting or death, not also long as God has created days for us to live. The love we have for one another is powerful, but it is only a small manifestation of the love that God has given us. Life is not endless or certain, but the love of God is both certain and endless. No matter where life brings us, love will be there. Love is here, with you and with me. Love is here today… but not just this day only. Love with be with us today, tomorrow, and always, in this life and the next, whatever that may look like. Thanks be to God, amen.