Oldest Sibling Syndrom

3-27-22 

Grace to you and peace from God our creator and from our savior Jesus the Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

If I had to guess… there are probably far more “older siblings” present here with us today, both worshiping in person and online. I don’t mean Older Sibling by physical age in your family of origin, but more like sharing the characteristics of the older brother in this parable. To be involved with this congregation, volunteering faithfully despite the “family issues” that all churches have, rather than leaving to join another church, shows some of the common “Older Sibling" traits of faithfulness, steadfastness, and commitment.

But beware the shadow side of the Older Sibling. Here in this parable we witness his resentment, anger, and stubbornness, and rigidity. This is what keeps the older brother in this story on the outside of the party, and on the outside of the joy of his father, and estranged from reunion with his family. 

I myself am an actual older sibling, but moreover I am a lifelong Lutheran and a lifelong church-goer, so I “get” the older brother and the twinge of resentment he may feel. So often in the church world, pastors are asked our “call stories.” Now, I don’t have an “amazing” story to tell that gets me invited to be interviewed by Krista Tippet or invited to speak at the ELCA National Youth Gathering. But that’s ok. My story is my story, and the important thing is that I see where God has been present in it. 

However... at the moment, it feels as if a significant number of pastors who are also in their thirties are all publishing books.  Not everyone, but enough to notice. Like, it’s what all the “cool kids” are doing - if you aren’t having a baby, you’re getting a book deal.

But I’ve also noticed something about most of these books coming out … they are from perspectives that have traditionally been thrust to the margins, or at least, they are voices from the “outside.”

These authors have something in common – they have all experienced being on the outside or have felt lost within the church in some way. I wonder if any of them would trade their book deals to have the position of being on the “inside,” to have a story that is more like mine, one that seems boring, but less fraught and stressful in many ways.

One example of a book I read very recently is “All Who Are Weary, Easing the Burden on the Walk with Mental Illness,” the second book published by Pastor Emmy Kegler. You may recognize her name from another book  many of you read a few years ago, called “One Coin Found.” In that first book, she shares her perspective on being lost and found by the church, and by God, relying heavily on another of Jesus’ “lost” parables - the lost coin.

In her second book, “All Who Are Weary,” she examines how mental illness has been stigmatized and mishandled by Christians both in the past and in the present. In addition to being treated as an outsider because of her gender and sexual orientation, in this book Kegler dives deep into the ways that her experience with depression throughout her life has caused her to feel like an outsider too.  

Jesus did not name his parable “The prodigal son” or even “The lost son.” That came much later. Perhaps we could also call this parable “The TWO Lost Son.” Or even, “The Prodigal Father” – because of the prodigal, wasteful, and extravagant use of resources on BOTH of his lost sons. After all, the word prodigal just means “extravagantly wasteful” or “uses resources freely.” The father in the story IS very much like God – God loves us lavishly and extravagantly, throwing us the ultimate victory feast over death, every… single… Sunday… and then, coming outside, to where we are, to give us a personal invitation.

With Jesus, the “church insiders” find themselves on the outside, and the outsiders get first dibs. That is how Jesus operates…. And it's so maddening! Or at least, it can feel that way... to us “older siblings.” The truth is, though, that with Jesus, there is no inside OR outside. There cannot be anyone on the outside if all are truly embraced in the family of God. There is enough Jesus to go around. The love and grace of God is not going to run out.

The older son in this story forgot that. He forgot that he is the OLDEST son in the family and is therefore entitled to the lion’s share of his father’s inheritance already. But his father has to remind him – everything that belongs to the father also belongs to the son.

Jesus was speaking with the “Older Siblings” of his faith community when he told this story. The Pharisees and the scribes are often cast as “the bad guys,” when really they are trying their best to preserve some semblance of Jewish identity in a world that is very, very hostile to them. They might sound grumpy and judgy of Jesus for hanging out with the lost people on the margins, when from their perspective, Jesus looks as though he is diluting his faith. But these “older siblings” of their time forgot that rules and boundaries may have a place, but they never take the place of Jesus. 

We all belong to God, and our inheritance has always been evident in our baptisms: claimed as beloved children and given abundant life in Jesus’ victory over the grave. But sometimes we have our heads down, eyes to the plow, dedicated to the work - so much so that we completely miss the music and dancing and celebrating happening in God’s house. And God is at the doorstep, holding out a hand and an invitation to the party… into relationship with people that we might have judged wrongly in the past, or looked down on. This invitation summons us to a future that makes us realize that we have been unnecessarily spending our energy in unhelpful ways, and that is why we have missed out on this party all along… and makes our hard work feel like a waste. But hard work is never wasteful as long as we learn something along the way.

So, what are we going to do? We can stay outside the celebration and choose to remain just as lost as the younger brother was. After all, a sibling turning his back on another sibling is not all that different from a son that up and leaving his father with his half of the inheritance.

Our other choice is to take the hand of the prodigal father and go into the party, to take a risk that might make us feel uncomfortable or scare us a little bit. To welcome our siblings face to face, and to realize that you both have been lost, but now are found… you both were dead and now are come back to life, through the same love of Jesus Christ, and joined together in one family – older and younger, parent and child, dedicated and prodigal, you and them and me. Thanks be to God. Amen.