God will never throw you away... even when the Church tries to.

Sermon 10-7-18

Grace to you and peace from God our creator and from our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

There’s no cute anecdote that goes well with what Jesus has to say today. There is just no other way to say it than just to say it: The church has historically gotten this text wrong, big time… and it’s time the set the record straight. Especially since how we’ve got it wrong has been incredibly damaging to people who are vulnerable, grieving, and in pain, especially women. October is Domestic Abuse Awareness month, and too many times texts such as these have been used against women to keep them in marriages that they should no longer stay in, or to make them feel incredibly guilty over seeking their own safety once they have gotten out. And for this, Jesus would be appalled. And the church should feel ashamed for heaping additional pain onto an already painful situation, instead of being a source of comfort and refuge.

Marriage in Jesus’ time is very different from what we think of as marriage now. There were no engagement rings, no wedding gowns and big receptions, no idea of romantic love or of “marrying your best friend.” But there were also no ideas about consent and autonomy, either. Women were property, and they could not support themselves. A single woman belonged to her father. A married woman belonged to her husband. A widowed woman belonged to her sons (hopefully she had at least one), or her nearest male relative. But a divorced woman was completely alone. In the Old Testament, quoted by the Pharisees, according to Moses, divorce was allowed, but only men could initiate it. So, in this context, Jesus is saying that divorce is a justice issue – it separated not just two people, but also separates a woman from her livelihood, her community, and, arguably, her humanity.

This was a shocking revelation to the disciples, and they wanted Jesus here more on Jesus’s take, away from the prying ears of the Pharisees. Perhaps they were dismayed that Jesus wanted to take away this particular aspect of their male privilege. Did Jesus really mean they no longer had the options of dismissing their wives – for whatever reason, according to one interpretation – and get away scott-free?

Unsurprisingly, Jesus doubles down, as he always does. He invokes that embarrassing commandment that confirmation students and teachers alike dread during their units on the Ten Commandments – the 6^th one, of course. “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” As with each commandment, it is not enough to simply refrain from doing something bad. Luther tried to get at the heart of what Jesus means here in his explanation to the 6^th commandment in his Small Catechism: “Thou shall not commit adultery. What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we lead pure and decent lives in word and deed, and each of us loves and honors his or her spouse. “

Martin Luther was also reported to have said something like “your spouse is your nearest neighbor.” A few chapters after this in Mark, when Jesus is asked “What is the greatest commandment?” Jesus doesn't quote one of the "Big 10." Instead, he responds, “Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, mind, and soul....... AND… LOVE your NEIGHBOR as YOURSELF.” “Loving our neighbor as ourselves” is mentioned WAY more in the Bible than marriage and divorce are.

Our spouse might indeed be our CLOSEST neighbor, but they are only ONE of the neighbors we have all around us. As God was creating the beautiful and complex world that we live in, God did not just create one human being to be in charge, all alone. We need neighbors. We need relationships. We need partnerships, collaboration, and companionship. According to one pastor colleague: Genesis 2 is not necessarily about the definition of some kind of “traditional marriage,” but instead “a creation story about an androgynous earth creature who is pulled apart to become two different genders who are in equal relationship.” God created another person, and they in turn created other people, and that means we are created be in relationships with one another – spouses, parents, children, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and our adopted family in the form of friendships, or our “chosen family.”

God did all this, because God delights in our relationships, and brings us together, and then promises to be present with us in those relationships… and most especially when those relationships break down. Because they will.

When divorce happens, sometimes is because one or both parties have been unfaithful in some way. Not necessarily in the “traditional” “6^th Commandment way” we think, but in the way that Luther goes on to explain – by not loving or honoring his or her closest neighbor. That is what being faithful means – loving an honoring one another.

When that doesn’t happen, when promises and trust is broken between two people, sometimes the relationship can be repaired, but sometimes it cannot. Divorce is naming a thing that has already happened. Sin might lead to a broken relationship; one person might have used the other and then cast them aside, breaking vows to love and honor the other. However, acknowledging that a relationship can no longer be what it was is not wrong.

Staying in a relationship that is already over can only add to everyone’s pain and suffering. Staying can sometimes mean breaking faith with yourSELF, in not loving and honoring yourself enough to leave.

Religious leaders who have taken texts such as these and use them to shame the venerable, especially women have committed an even greater unfaithfulness. I would dare say this is an even greater sin, because they are further damaging people who are already feeling broken, and they seek to restrict access to God to those who need it most. Not unlike When the disciples tell people not to bring their kids to be blessed by Jesus.

The more egregious example of this that I personally experienced came in a wedding homily, of all places. During the sermon, the priest began by jokingly wondering about whether love can last through receding hairlines and the bride’s inevitable future weight gain. But thin it got worse from there. He began to talk about divorce.

At one point, the priest called out a question for us to answer: “What do you do with a broken remote.” For a minute we sat in stunned silence, until a brave soul timidly ventured: “Throw it away?”

“That’s right!” he said, “And that is what divorce is, throwing away something that’s broken but not fixing it!”

I was so angry, because he was so wrong. I was angry because going to a wedding a divorced person is difficult enough. I was angry because almost every single person sitting in those pews has been touched by divorce, either they themselves or someone they love.  I was angry because he was shaming us, telling us that we who are divorced and the people we love who are divorced were broken and needed to be thrown away. I was angry because that priest took his own beliefs and tried to pass them off as the word of God.

Incredibly, this text from Mark is often used for weddings… along with one I’m sure you all have heard, First Corinthians 13. The “Love is patient, love is kind” stuff. But, I’m sorry to disappoint, but we tend to get that one wrong, too. We hear it as the couple making vows to one another. But First Corinthians is not talking about human love at all. It’s talking about God’s love.

A much more accurate reading of First Corinthians 13 would go this this: God is patient, God is kind… God is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude, irritable or resentful…. God bears all thing, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things… along with us. God is stubborn that way, because God is in this for the long haul. God will always be faithful to US… even when… especially when, we are not even faithful to one another, and we are not faithful to ourselves.

Our relationships can and do break down. Our trust in one another gets broken. Our hearts break and we will feel both incapable of love and unworthy of BEING loved. Others may cast you off, but God never will. As broken as we might feel, God will never throw you away. Thanks be to God, amen.